Are Your Children Putting a Strain on Your Marriage?

A recent study of couples found that 90% were less happy with their marriage once they became parents.


What are the reasons for the lack of satisfaction in these marriages?

  • Lack of sleep
  • Fragmented attention
  • Strained finances
  • Disagreement over how to raise the children
  • Any or all of the above

What can couples do to reverse this trend?

Spend time together

Spend time with each other. Just the two of you…to keep the romance alive. It can be a walk in the park, a night out or just a quick lunch while the kids are in school.

Spend time alone

Spend time to remember who you are. You are not just a mom or dad or husband or wife. Go for a solitary walk; take a relaxing bubble bath when no one else is home; sign up for an adult education class that meets once a week.

Spend time touching each other

Spend time touching each other as part of sexual foreplay…as enjoyable as that may be. It is so important to reach out and express your love by holding hands, remembering to give a loving caress on head or cheek as you pass by and making eye contact…your eyes are the windows of your soul.

Paying attention to these three things will go a long way towards keeping the flame alive and the relationship fresh.

There will be an added benefit as well…children tend to model themselves after their parents. Parents who are loving and respectful with each other are great role models for their children. This positive relationship contributes to a balanced and harmonious home environment for the entire family.


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Vivian Kirkfield

I'm a mom ­of three, ­educator, ­parenting ­speaker an­d author o­f Show Me ­How! Build­ Your Chil­d's Self-E­steem Thro­ugh Readin­g, Craftin­g and Cook­ing. I lo­ve sharing­ my passio­n for util­izing pict­ure books ­and positi­ve parenta­l particip­ation to b­uild self-­esteem, de­velop pre-­literacy s­kills and ­strengthen­ the paren­t-child co­nnection. ­ I enjoy h­iking and ­fly-fishin­g in the C­olorado Ro­ckies when­ I'm not r­eading, cr­afting and­ cooking w­ith kids. ­ My next w­riting pro­ject is a ­picture bo­ok/board b­ook for to­ddlers and­ I just re­turned fro­m taking t­he Show-Me­-How Story­-time with­ Miss Vivi­an program­ "on ­the road&q­uot; to Ch­icago.


  1. says

    It is definitely a hard transition from married couple to “family” when you have your first child. You aren’t used to having to split your attention and money is A LOT tighter than it was before. I agree with a lot of points in this. You just have to make time for one another. If you have someone to watch your little one while you and your hubby go out on a nice date then that’s perfect but sometimes that doesn’t get to happen either…

  2. says

    Great tips. It is very important to always take time off without the kids. Once the kiddos are gone to live their own lives, your spouse is all you have. :)

  3. says

    My husband and I went through an adjustment period when we first had children. My husband was a loving husband and father, but felt like he played second fiddle to the kids whose needs at the time were much more demanding. It’s really important to take time to still cherish one another!

  4. says

    When we moved to NC, we stayed in an apartment for several months. As we moved out, the neighbor upstairs pulled me aside to say goodbye. She added that she is so impressed with my husband’s willingness to treat my children as his own. Baffled, I replied that they are his children…. She then asked, surprised, “How long have you been married?” When I told her twelve years, she busted out laughing. She replied, “The way you hold hands and laugh together, I thought you just got married!”

    Fast forward another 11 years and I have to say it’s a bit harder to find that together time with two teens and a younger child, but I love him just as much! :)

    Thanks for a great reminder…. one hand-holding walk coming up!

  5. says

    I just do not see how anyone could think this. I am a wife and mother and I love my child and my husband equally. I think if someone thinks this, then they have severe issues in the relationship that needs to be fixed. My son was the best thing that ever happened to me.

    • says

      Oh, that’s not the intention with this article at all. Many families may go through situations where the marriage struggles a little and this article is only trying to help. Thank you for your input though. I’m sure many mothers love their children and of course husbands just as much.

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