A really good friend of mine cried for many years after having two babies with a dead beat, who looked like he was high 75% of the time. I watched her go through pain and hurt over and over, while she tried to be patient and tried to wait for this guy to change. This guy who’s the father of her children, the love of her life. Sad isn’t it? One of the many things I’ve learned through my own experiences is that a pick-me-upper means just that. I have girlfriends who can tell me to “get a grip” or “wake-up and smell the roses” or whatever else comes with leaving a guy and moving forward (if that’s what my problems are all about). Truth is, if I want a head-bashing, I might as well have myself some alcohol.
When you’re down, do you really want someone to rub in the things you’ve done wrong or tell you to do things you don’t want to do? I mean, if there’s some magic potion that could help miraculously make horrible situations go away or change your feelings towards the person you care about, then I would definitely want to talk to you.
So let’s name my friend, who’s got 2 kids, Jenna. Jenna still couldn’t get over this guy even after he cheated on her! I would definitely leave him at that point. Again, I would never tell her that, because I’m not truly in her shoes. I’m not the one blessed with the feelings (thank you God) for him. Only SHE can truly understand and know the hurt. You’re just a person from the outside looking in. You don’t truly know the pain that goes with the whole drama. It’s easy to tell someone what to do when you haven’t truly experienced it. So if your girl was already pretty down, how much lower would you kick her? Would you remind her about all the horrible things he is? Would you tell her to get a life? Would you get mad at her and tell her to wake up?
Now that you’ve thought about what you would do, close your eyes and imagine yourself being horribly depressed about something. Better yet, think about the most horrible feeling you had when it was obviously your fault. When bad things happen, you usually want to talk to someone about it, right? So let’s imagine your friend telling you things you just weren’t in the mood to hear. Like things I just described up in the last paragraph.
When your friend is down, be a friend and lift her spirits. I knew that after everything this guy has put her through, that the only thing that would help her is if she fell in love again.
“Who would want to have a relationship with someone who’s already got two kids?” she used to ask me.
“You’d be surprised,” I’d say.
I knew that I had to get her to feel good about herself before she could go out and get back in the dating game. Positive encouragement can help strengthen a broken soul.
After 3 years, she DID fall in love again. Now, she’s married with a new baby, and a husband who is the most gentle, sweet, yet manly and caring person you might ever meet.
So … be a friend when a friend is in need.