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Child’s Interests VS Parent’s Dream

My wife loves to bake. When we had a daughter it was her deepest hope that she would take part in it with her. She had dreams of passing down the same Bosch mixer that her mother left her and sharing family recipes that Delila would teach to her own children one day.

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Bosch Universal Mixer Wire Whips, Set of Two
Bosch MUM6N10UC Universal Plus Stand Mixer, 800 watt, 6.5-Quarts
Bowl Scraper Attachment for Bosch Mixer MUZ6BS1
Bosch MUM6N10UC Universal Plus Stand Mixer, 800 Watt, 6.5-Quarts with Bowl Scraper and Cake Paddles
Bosch Universal Mixer Wire Whips, Set of Two
Bosch MUM6N10UC Universal Plus Stand Mixer, 800 watt, 6.5-Quarts
Bowl Scraper Attachment for Bosch Mixer MUZ6BS1
Bosch MUM6N10UC Universal Plus Stand Mixer, 800 Watt, 6.5-Quarts with Bowl Scraper and Cake Paddles
$18.95
$399.00
$25.00
$455.00
-
Bosch Universal Mixer Wire Whips, Set of Two
Bosch Universal Mixer Wire Whips, Set of Two
$18.95
-
Bosch MUM6N10UC Universal Plus Stand Mixer, 800 watt, 6.5-Quarts
Bosch MUM6N10UC Universal Plus Stand Mixer, 800 watt, 6.5-Quarts
$399.00
-
Bowl Scraper Attachment for Bosch Mixer MUZ6BS1
Bowl Scraper Attachment for Bosch Mixer MUZ6BS1
$25.00
-
Bosch MUM6N10UC Universal Plus Stand Mixer, 800 Watt, 6.5-Quarts with Bowl Scraper and Cake Paddles
Bosch MUM6N10UC Universal Plus Stand Mixer, 800 Watt, 6.5-Quarts with Bowl Scraper and Cake Paddles
$455.00

It turns out our daughter hates baking. She would rather play video games than make a cake, no matter how much her mother tries to entice her. While this was a difficult pill for my wife to swallow, ultimately she has put aside her disappointment and supported our 16-year-old in her interests.

Admittedly, she still hopes our other daughter Sophie will take up the mantle as she gets older.

Expectation Versus Reality

This is common with kids. A father is sad his son doesn’t like sports or want to try out for the team like he did when he was a kid. A mother is crushed that her daughter doesn’t hold her interest in art. Whatever the case, parents are often bogged down with expectations and fantasies about parenthood and who their kids will be. When those ideas turn out to not be the case, they can feel let down.

I don’t think this is because of a lack of pride in our children, nor out of some sense of wanting to control them. We are human and tend towards daydreaming, especially where our kids are concerned.

So, what do we do to get past this disappointment and be there for our kids as they pursue their own interests?

Stop Nagging

Admit it, you tend to nag a bit when trying to get your kids into the things you like or envision for them. Stop it! Nothing is going to turn them off of those things like pushing them to like them. Instead, try and accept that it isn’t their thing and that is OK. They just might be willing to occasionally take part in it with you if they don’t feel pressured to do so.

Learn About Their Passion

Rather than get them involved in your hobbies, why notlearn about their own? For example, my wife took the time to learn the details about our daughter’s current favorite video games. She knows the characters and the plot lines and that Delila is involved in the surrounding fandoms. It has actually brought them together and I think my wife might be getting into it.

Get Involved

Case in point, my wife now plays at least one of the games. She and my daughter are able to connect and play it together, tag-teaming the levels. Granted, she isn’t nearly as good as Delila is, but I know our daughter appreciates it and has a lot of fun. My wife even bakes a treat for just the two of them to share, which makes it that much more of a bonding experience. It has become their “thing” every Thursday night, something they can do that is special and just for them. So why not take a page out of her book and try to do the same? You might find that it entirely changes the dynamic of your relationship.

Tyler Jacobson

Tyler Jacobson

Tyler Jacobson is a father, husband, and writer, with experience as a content writer and outreach coordinator for HelpYourTeenNow. Tyler has offered honest advice and humor to struggling parents and teens. Tyler has researched and written on education problems, disorders, the world of social media, addiction, and pressing issues with raising a teen today. Follow Tyler on:
Twitter | Linkedin | Google +

15 comments

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  • I agree with pursuing the kids’ interests but only to a certain extent. You see, almost all the people who wanted to be member of the videogame industry and are now part of it aren’t exactly playing the videogames they wanted to play forever. It’s different when you’re designing it, programming it and doing quality tests. Sooner or later, the kids will really find what they really want in their lives during the adult phase and that’s when real patience will be tested.

  • That is so true! We need to let our kids be who they were designed to be. We need to guide them to make good decisions, but what is best for another child may not be best for ours. Great advice!

  • These are valuable suggestions. I try not to push and nag my kids to fulfill my dreams, but I know I could be more supportive with theirs. Speaking of video games… I hate them! I don’t see the appeal and I’m horrible at them, so I never want to play them with the kids. I do need to take a page from your wife’s book and get over myself and join them in their fun. Thanks for the reminder!

  • I can appreciate as a parent that it will be hard when our kids dont take an interest in similar things as us. But being on the other end I understand the importance of making the effort to show understand their interests.

  • I’m kinda glad that I didn’t set expectations for my kids. My parents gave me free reign to discover my interests. When I was super young, Im pretty sure I took dance because my childhood best friend did. Then as a teen I decided soccer was cool. After I discovered soccer, I stuck with it through high school.

    I do wish that my kids had more drive to try creating wealth when they are teenagers so that in case their career expectations don’t pan out. Or they can use their skills to pay cash for college without loans/debt.

  • I feel it’s such a common problem when parents start “imposing” their own hobbies on children, or even worse, try to fulfil their own dreams through their children, without accepting, that children can have the dreams of their own, and very different ones. I hope we’ll all have enough wisdom to recognize it and support our kids’ true passions!

  • It’s lovely to hear that your wife has joined in with the interests of your daughter, makes as your daughter grows she might learn to love to bake too. 🙂

  • I have found the hardest thing is when my kids are feeling passionate about things that I really don’t find interesting at all. My daughter does constant focus and talking about it until the phase passes.

  • This such a great post! I have two boys and 1 daughter. I just knew she’d love to sew like her grandmother myself. While she did learn to sew she would rather knit. You have to let them embrace their own identity.

  • Love this! As parents, it is vital that we pay attention to the little things that our children are interested in. Not only does it make them feel good about that they are doing, they are a bit more motivated when they have supportive parents.

About Author

Tyler Jacobson

Tyler Jacobson

Tyler Jacobson is a father, husband, and writer, with experience as a content writer and outreach coordinator for HelpYourTeenNow. Tyler has offered honest advice and humor to struggling parents and teens. Tyler has researched and written on education problems, disorders, the world of social media, addiction, and pressing issues with raising a teen today. Follow Tyler on:
Twitter | Linkedin | Google +