School starts soon in our neck of the woods. I thought it’d be fun to squeeze in a quick, end of summer road trip to see the actual woods before school slips fully into gear. So, we, my pack and I, will be spending a couple days in the car.
Some people complain about being stuck in the car all day. In fact, many of the people in our car complain about being stuck in the car all day. And, I’m not just talking about the kids.
But, I consider myself to be a positive person most of the time, or at least when I’ve had enough sleep, or have mysteriously lost a pound, despite eating more chocolate the night before than I’m willing to admit to. And, positive person that I am, I can see many great things about being stuck in the car all day.
First of all, there’s no need to nag children to do their chores. They have no chores. They’re stuck in the car. It’s wonderful to have a break from that source of stress. Now granted, there are still a few things that need to be done, even when we’re in transit all day. But, the closest thing we have to doing dishes and vacuuming is throwing out Happy Meal bags, and brushing crumbs off of the seat and out the door.
Plus, when you’re in the car all day you get to play everyone’s favorite travel game Guess Which Side The Next Nose-Picker Will Drive By On. This simple game is great fun for all ages, from toddler to grandparent, and everyone in between. It does require some concentration, as nosepickers tend to race by at top speed (Why are nose pickers always in such a hurry? Is there some sort of Nose Pickers Anonymous meeting they’re all late for? I hope they don’t greet each other with a handshake).
When you spend all day in the car, no matter where you go, eventually you’ll see some cows. I think the highway department sticks a herd out next to the highway every hundred miles or so to help keep things interesting. But, the great thing about cows is, if you do it just right, when you moo at them, they’ll moo back at you.
I learned that as a kid. We took lots of road trips. My dad would moo at the cows every time we saw some. Every time he did it, the cows would moo back at him, and my mom would say, “Stop that, Gino! You don’t even know what you’re saying to them.” From the way he’d smile, I think maybe he did know.
Spending the day stuck in the car is also a great way to ensure your children will behave well…a few years down the road. At some point during any all-day driving experience, every child falls asleep. If you make a point to snap tons of great Look How Funny You Looked Sleeping Sitting Up pictures, you’ll find them to be very useful for blackmailing your children when they become teenagers.
Pondering universal questions
Being stuck in the car all day also gives you the opportunity to ponder the great questions of the Universe. Well, at least of the Fast Food Universe, anyway. You’ll ponder why, when you pull off the highway and onto Fast Food Row, and ask what everyone wants to eat, does one kid always holler “Spaghetti!” You’ll also ponder why they always forget to give you a fork when you order a salad. And, naturally, you’ll ponder how come you never notice you’re missing the fork until you are already back on the highway.
But, perhaps the most unique great thing about being stuck in the car all day is the opportunity it gives you to train for the Olympic How Long Can You Hold It? Marathon Team. Trying to find a usable restroom on the road when you need one is akin to playing a Clean Bathroom Edition of Russian Roulette meets The Great Race.
Between the rest areas which are closed for maintenance and the gas station bathrooms that should be closed by the HazMat Team, every attempt at off-loading is a risky gamble. But, every opportunity for bathroom judgement or facilities selection moves you closer to a spot on that Olympic How Long Can You Hold It? Marathon Team. And, it’s never too soon to begin training.
After all, Rio 2016 is just around the corner.