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my son's first crush

How to Talk to Your Child About His First Crush

We were sitting around the dinner table when my son said, “mommy, I have a friend. Her name is Anabel. And she looks pretty.” Shocked about what just came out of his mouth (because he loathes the word “pretty”), I felt like my body froze for a few split seconds.

I mean he’s only 7! I knew this day was about to come, but in my mind, he’s still only my baby.

Why You Need to Have a Conversation With Your child About What It Means to Have a Crush

I had absolutely NO IDEA how to respond! My first thought was to make fun of him, but that would just send him into a crazy frenzy, not wanting to ever tell me a secret again. Another part of me thought it was extremely special to be included in the first crush conversation.

You might call it a milestone, but it’s a stage in his life that apparently needs to be talked about. I really didn’t think it was that big of a deal until I started to do some research.

If you think about it, biological stages are at play and brain chemicals are on the move to create newfound emotions for your child. So helping your child deal with these emotions is a very big deal.

Things to Consider When Talking to Your Child About His Crush

So where do you even begin? You know you probably shouldn’t laugh, but what do you say?

  1. Limit your questions
  2. This is as big a deal for you as it is for him. You’re going to want to ask tons of questions, but contain yourself! Although kids love to ask hundreds of questions, they may feel a little uneasy about the situation if you’re the one doing the asking. The subject of crushes and romance may not be a completely comfortable subject regardless of what you may think.

    Asking too many questions has the potential to keep your child from wanting to open up further or in the future. So think before you start asking a million questions. Construct your questions carefully and in a manner that allows you to get the gist of as much as you’d like to know in one go. Try to rephrase your questions in a comfortable format so that it could encourage your child to want to tell you more without you having to do all the asking.

  3. By showing respect, you will likely get respect
  4. This is as good a time as any to talk about manners and the importance of respect. For boys, their actions and the way they treat women is perceived to be a result of the way they were treated or have seen their mom being treated.
    Although this might appear to have a lot to do with what dad can pass onto his son, moms can also have the upper hand by expressing her own feelings and need for respect.

  5. Just be there
  6. You and I both know that there’s a 99.9% chance his heart will get broken at some point. There’s no need to forewarn him because the last thing you want is to strike up any paranoia or fear of what could happen. Let nature take its course and allow him to recognize the possibility of hurt feelings. Then when you feel he’s ready, you might be lucky enough for him to divulge his feelings to you and whether or not he’s at all hurt in any way.

Do you still remember your first crush? I do! It was nice and now that I think of it … quite funny. But at the time, I remember daydreaming a lot about this person. I never told a soul because I was so embarrassed. You could say, I didn’t really have a guide. I never talked to my parents about much.

Over time, I figured things out on my own. Luckily, I didn’t end up with jerks that abused me or disrespected me in any way, but nevertheless, there were jerks. If I could contribute to society by not raising another jerk, I’d be a very happy parent.

Karlyn Bishop

Karlyn Bishop

Karlyn Bishop is the proud mommy to little Oliver and wife to hubby. She is a resident of Laguna Beach and a big player in the web's large social media circle.

10 comments

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  • These are great tips! When my son came to me, I was shocked because I never talked to my parents about that stuff, I tried not to ask too many questions and gave him a little advise but ultimately sent him over to my brother for male advice (they have a unique bond).

  • Wow. Honestly, I am not ready, but thanks for these tips. So far, our eldest daughter at 9 years old, is already showing appreciation for some good-looking boys, especially those who can sing. I just ask questions in a nonchalant manner, staying interested, but not too OA. haha Oh my gosh…

  • Thanks for sharing this. I have a 13 year old daughter though she’s not talking about crush ever since. She always talk about her girl friends in school. But her dad, keeps talking to her asking if there’s a guy who wants to talk to her she should tell her dad. And my husband let my daughter watch the video “bad boys 2” and told my daughter that if someone will come to our house and ask my daughter to go out, my husband will be like the father on the movie, he will get ready of his shot gun…hahaha! Thanks for sharing. I have now an idea on how to talk with my daughter about it.

  • It’s interesting to see you address this topic; as just a college student myself, I would have never thought that such a conversation would be an important one to have with a child. It’ll be good for him to learn about respect and reciprocation!

  • I can totally relate to similar moment as last year, my 8 years old nephew asked me, “why girls wear revealing clothes?” Trust me, I wasn’t prepared that time to answer his question but I totally agree with you that we need to think twice before answering to kids.

  • This was a lovely post to read, it must be really hard to talk to your child about crushes but it’s a good idea to prepare them and teach them respect to others.

About Author

Karlyn Bishop

Karlyn Bishop

Karlyn Bishop is the proud mommy to little Oliver and wife to hubby. She is a resident of Laguna Beach and a big player in the web's large social media circle.