Kids change the dynamic of your relationship with your spouse. No, it’s not just about being married and reaching a certain comfort level with your partner. It’s something completely different that I’m sure you can relate to once you read on and hopefully begin to understand.

marriage after kids

Last week, my husband and I had one of our big spats (he calls it spat, I call it a fight). I could honestly tell you that I have no idea what it was even about. However, I do know that it ended much better than I expected.

Many men tend to think women use their menstrual cycles as an excuse to act bitchy or just be mean. I never intentionally try to be this way and have in the past tried to “watch myself” and control what I could. Sometimes, however, I can’t seem to do that. As much as I want to, my mouth has a way of getting ahead of my brain and I’m often guilty of speaking before I rationalize a situation.

So when my husband and I were arguing last week, I chose not to speak to him for a few hours as I normally do. Later, he asked me why I don’t just speak up when something is wrong. Why does it take hours to pry it out of me.

To be honest, it’s because I’m so mad at him, but I just don’t know how I’m going to talk to him about why I’m so pissed off. He could be sitting on the couch and doing something completely harmless, while I think of how I’m going to respond or even tell him about my anger. So it takes longer than he wants it to be and I stew on it with long silences and dirty looks.

In the end, I finally told him I needed him to be understanding. Sometimes I’m going to want to scream and yell for no reason and I need him to just understand it. Sadly, it’s probably true that it has to do with “my time of the month,” but I needed him to understand that I can’t always predict what’s going to happen or how I’m going to act. So I can’t promise I’ll behave. I just needed him to know that I love him regardless of what happens.

It all sounds like I’m a crazy lunatic, but after sharing this with my girlfriends, I realized that it’s something many women probably go through, but can’t openly admit. Our hormones can make us CRAZY!

My husband looked at me as I irrationally screamed and told him all the things I “needed” him to understand. Once I was done screaming, he calmly nodded and said, “ok.”

I didn’t know how to respond then, but it shut me up and I felt like I won something special. I later realized that I actually did. I won a little bit of understanding from my husband.

My husband still surprises me in so many ways. This argument threw me off, because I couldn’t believe how understanding he was.

As a husband, he was more carefree and lived in the moment. Even after being married, our relationship was more “fun” and filled with more possibilities. As parents we live for our son and the family we are gifted with. There’s a lot less “living in the moment” moments, but a lot more understanding moments.