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Mommy Peace to End Mommy Wars

It’s been a rebuilding year in our household. The year of going back to the foundation of our home and family, and to make sure we were all on the right track… together.

After working outside of the home and pouring my life into other people more than I poured into my family, I came home and we decided to homeschool. With children ages 9, 6, and 3, this was quite the undertaking for someone who has always spent most of her daytime hours AWAY from the house.

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I could write an entire book about what all we learned throughout the year, but one lesson stands out more than the others. It’s more of an observation made, really. My observation is that the massive army of us who are called “Mom” seem to be at war with each other. Seriously. It gets ugly sometimes.

I’m going to try to be careful not to generalize, and I know this does not describe ALL of us. But I think if each one of us digs down deeply enough, we will find that we all have extreme opinions in one area or another. This post is just to share some of the extreme situations that have dropped my jaw… I could go into more detail with every one of these, but here are the bullets:

• Homeschool moms think public schools are corrupting our kids so public school moms feel not good enough if they have to work and put their kids in public school.

• Traditional school moms think homeschoolers shelter their kids and that they are missing out on childhood, so homeschool moms start to question their decision (or they fight back).

Nursing moms think their way is the only healthy way and they voice that opinion, so the mom whose milk doesn’t come in feels like she is a failure to her child.

• Moms who work outside of the home judge stay-at-home moms and vice versa.

• Pinterest moms think that moms who don’t make every cupcake live up to the latest fad are letting their kids down. Then comes Mommy guilt.

• Moms who choose to live more simply think Pinterest moms are spoiling their children. Then comes defensiveness.

These are just a FEW examples. We could further go into religious divisions, serving at church, divisions within homeschoolers, divisions about priorities, divisions about having a nanny or maid…. The list is unending.

The point is we are all struggling to do this thing called being a mom. I think I speak for most of us when I say it’s the hardest “job” I’ve ever had. Most days, I feel like a failure. And I feel that way enough without having to look at Pinterest or Facebook or blogs or any other social media outlet that we choose to bash each other on. All you have to do is read the comments on any given social media news piece to see how much anger and hatred is being spread around.

Let’s be honest, girls. Life is hard. We need each other. We need to recognize that each one of us is a beautiful piece of God’s creation. He made us for community, for fellowship, to love each other and to share His love with others.

If we are too focused on being at war with each other, in order to somehow feel better about the failure we feel within ourselves, how can we have peace?

It’s time that we learn to love each other despite our differences. We don’t have to agree on everything, right? Just because you have a strong conviction about homeschooling doesn’t mean it’s necessarily the best way for your neighbor, right? Just because you decide it’s best for your child to go to public school doesn’t mean the homeschooler is wrong… right?

Let’s each do our part to end the Mommy Wars. If we all work together on it, maybe we can one day call it Mommy Peace.

Paula Ebert

Paula Ebert is a wife and mother who desires to help women by sharing her life experiences. She is a writer, fitness coach, musician, and internet marketer. You can learn more about her by visiting her blog, Grow Where You’re Planted.
Twitter | Google + | Instagram | Linkedin

20 comments

  • You are so high and mighty and above it all and yet you start the whole article by saying working moms pour energy into others while you pour it into your family. Lots of people don’t have a choice but to work. Lots of people do and yet realize they are less qualified to teach school than someone with an actual degree in education. check yourself before you preach about how above it all you are.

  • I truly believe that moms need to do what is best for their own children. What works for one family may not work for another. We seem to live in a time where no matter what moms do they will be judged anyway. I hope that attitudes will change in future!

  • I agree, for crying out loud, if I choose to homeschool, that is my choice. If you choose to send your children to a public school, that is your choice. Why would it concern me; and why would it upset me??? I LOVE the fact that you made a point to not generalize :-). Really. Great post.

  • It could be an age thing. I’ve noticed the moms in my DILs crowd are quick to judge. I think the moms in my crowd are not…but then again I had my youngest pretty late in life. 🙂

  • The mommy wars are so real, and I think that what a lot of moms, and women in general really, need to learn and to respect is that there are so many different ways in which to do something. It all boils down to doing what is best for yourself, for your children, and for your family. No one is a like, no family is alike, and that’s a good thing!

  • This is a great post on ending the mommy wars. It is so sad we can’t all just except we do things that work for us and just except it. I have hope for the future there will be peace in it all. Thanks for sharing.

  • Great points – I did notice that I felt guilty about not home schooling – then we did this for a couple of years and really saw my son grow in in lessons – but, he was lonely – so back off to private type schools –

  • Sadly it isn’t hard to see why people think it’s okay to participate in “mommy wars” considering that generally people seem to do it to others, parent or otherwise! It’s definitely important to keep in mind that we don’t always know why people made the choices they did, and in their shoes we may have done the same thing.

  • This is a great post. I can’t understand why moms have to fight and judge each other. Things will all be so easy if we will just get along.

  • we need to support each other . i hate mommy wars ! i agree to this post lets work together and build something together

  • I’ve been every type of mom out there. The Pinterest mom, the simpler life mom, the work outside the home mom, etc. None of them are absolutely perfect 100% of the time or for everyone. I’m grateful I’ve been able to be the mom my children needed at that moment and haven’t felt an intense amount of judgement. Moms can be so hard on each other.

  • I agree with this post. As I tell my kids, we are all born with different gifts and talents. It is simole, if we were all the same this world would bc e super boring and I bet we wouldn’t have all the fun inventions that we do today. Let’s work together and build something together. 🙂

  • I think it is beyond absurd how some moms judge each other. We are all just trying to do our best and I don;t get why some moms stick their noses in other mom’s business when they don’t agree.

  • I agree! We need to support each other. We are doing the biggest job ever, raising little adults and we are all doing our very best whether its working and sending our child to school, or staying home to provide for and educate our kids…we are all trying our best. I’m glad I have the support of a mom group where I live and we all are a little different and are at different stages in parenting and sometimes we can provide advice, but most of us know when to be quiet with our opinions and when to suggest an alternative, or when to just be a listener. I love being apart of communities like that.

  • It si funny how so many people think there way is the only way. The world is not all black and white and we are to learn that when we are young-some never learned 😉

  • About Author

    Paula Ebert

    Paula Ebert is a wife and mother who desires to help women by sharing her life experiences. She is a writer, fitness coach, musician, and internet marketer. You can learn more about her by visiting her blog, Grow Where You’re Planted.
    Twitter | Google + | Instagram | Linkedin

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